Monday, June 21, 2010

More Joy Than One Bird Can Handle

I decided to steam clean my kitchen cabinets.  If you know me-this is highly out of character, except for the part that includes gadgets. My train of thought was something along the lines of maybe I'd enjoy the gadget part so much I'd overlook the fact that I was cleaning.

The dishwasher was already running-a favorite noise for Oliver.  Horsetraining show on TV-he loves western twangy voiced men or that Aussie guy.  And now the steam was hissing, making a sound not unlike the dream whip can.

"Huh?" he peaked around to make sure we weren't about to indulge in dream whip.

"Stay there Mister Bird-this is DANGEROUS STUFF" I cautioned.  He settled on the  room divider and watched while I steamed away.  That worked pretty good until the top blew off the steamer and the entire corner was fogged.  I dropped the steam gun, pulled the plug and headed for the next room shouting "run run, it's gonna BLOW!"

We still haven't finished the cabinets and OTP still hasn't finished chuckling.  He thinks steam cleaning the cabinets is, however, a fine pass time.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Head-Meet Wall

The sound you hear is my head pounding against the same old wall.  It doesn't matter which wall-it's all the same fucking wall-(said in a jaded Janis Joplin voice).

Monday, June 14, 2010

All Wet

I am fine, and I appreciate the concern from those who asked.  We don't live near a river, and the street flooding hasn't threatened the house at all.  The backyard floods, but runs off into the street.  I got a break in between storms around 8 pm and dashed over to sonic for ice and milk so I don't have to go out.

I've heard the streets are a mess and I'm sure down by the river is not pretty.  Casper's regular stable is on the river, but he's at horsey camp right now, so he's safe too.

Moon has decided to be thunder phobic-so 24 hours of Thunderstorms is wearing on him, but the other dogs are stoic.  I think, like people, the rain makes them sleepy so they just sleep.  I stuck Oliver the Parrot out in the dog room today and he talked to them allllllllll day-so everyone is exhuasted and hopefully will sleep well tonight.

I cannot lie-I haven't watched the news and I slept all day too-I worked outside Fri/Sat/Sun at a dog trial and am was just exhausted.  I didn't plan on taking it this easy today-but I'm glad I did-nothing like sleeping away a rainy day.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

This is my brain on....

I am switching anti depressant cocktails again-I don't really know if the Celexa ever worked, or just provided me with a "eh, I don't care attitude" so much so that I didn't care if it worked.  Strangely enough, I don't care.  Hah.  It's one of those things that if I knew the answer to the question, I still wouldn't have any useful information.  It's not working NOW-so off we go hi ho hi ho.

The human brain is the ultimate adaptive vehicle, and staying one step ahead of my brain to keep it running well has been a lifetime undertaking. Some of the things that make it work really well in some situations, make it difficult to manage in others.  When it's in FOCUS mode-I can do amazing things-that is unless it's focused on the wrong thing.  When it's not in FOCUS mode, I have rampant ADD, or I am a multitasking genius, take your pick.

One of the things I was thinking about while in this "make no decisions, no changes mode" is how far I've come in my new world since moving to OKC.  I have new friends who are local and dog/horse oriented.  None of them have ever seen me in a suit, some have no clue I used to be really fat or travel a lot in my former occupations.

Of course, then a voice has to ask "and so, what GOOD does that do you or anyone else."  To answer the voice refer to paragraph 2.  I think one of the things that allows me to somewhat succeed with the brain I have is that I DO adapt and try new things, and I don't let being the newbie or feeling stupid stop me from doing what I want to do.

Brace yourself-can you believe Solo pup and I are taking a conformation class?  Conformation is dog beauty, it's all politics, completely useless, and something I've always wanted to try.  Solo is nominated by virtue of his intact testicles and the fact that it won't interfere with his agility training.

Moondog, my brilliant tortured genius dog and I are in a freestyle class and will compete in an event in September.  Yep, that was my next step-quit training and compete in SOMETHING.  Moondog is now old enough to jump, etc so we are working on a routine.  Freestyle is dog dancing, costumes are involved.  WHAT was I thinking?

Molly is pinch hitting for Moondog in flyball-as she is the only other dog who is old enough to do box turns and I made a commitment to a team.   If any of you seek to actualize yourself via dogs-take a hint from me and do NOT get a puppy unless you are patient.  This path of puppy experimentation is only now starting to pay off, and Moon will soon be two.

That's another thing about me that doesn't reconcile.  I am both the most impatient person in the world and will also undertake things that take years to achieve.  I have actually spent the same length of time and about as much effort in Moon as it would take to get an associate's degree, but that is just where my focus has been.  Right or wrong?  I don't think that value applies.  It just is.

If there is one thing I HAVE learned, it's not to let someone else's value system control how you spend your time, because at the end of the trail, how you spent your time is all you are going to take with you.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Progress Update

Casper is scheduled to go off to training next week-and I'll be joining him.  We found a wonderful trainer in the area who specializes in middle age women who are a bit timid but want to learn.  Ok, I made the specializes part up-but a lot of her clients are just that.  IN THE AREA is so important-I'll be able to go ot twice a week and ride and visit.  Many trainers do not want visits or to give lessons, and that is why I haven't sent him before.

Casper is not just any horse, he's MY horse.  I can evaluate him and know his failings and shortcomings, and couldn't care less-he gets, oh, about 48 years of pent up, starved for a horse,  love.  We've had slow beginnings because I knew nothing, and had to teach myself how to get involved in the horse community etc, but I'm getting the hang of it now.

I won a breeding to a very nice stallion last week-had a moment of thinking maybe I'd by a mare.....but I am going to either sell or give away the stud service.  I can't afford another horse, and I'd be about 55 before this new horse would even be rideable assuming I could afford training.  I'm better off spending that time riding and loving the horse I have.

I am not sure where this blog is headed.  I thought about creating a new one for a new direction, but the truth is, it's always just been about what's in my head at the moment-so we'll just stay here-me and the voices in my head.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


Do you ever just break down and cry over the strangest things?  Last night I boo hoo'd for a good 20 minutes.  I am trying to get myself and my life in order, and I had to think about turning 50, and if I wanted to do the Great White Shark swim (because I need to get the deposit in if I do).

So, I thought about it-and what I wanted to get out of it.  Certainly having strangers see me in a wet suit doing something brave/foolish had no appeal.  For me, it was about the experience of seeing and being experienced by such a great animal.  And then it hit me-(perhaps because I work so much with animals, I am pretty adept at understanding them) the shark really won't experience ME at all.  It will examine the cage, examine me and determine I'm not food-and then it absolutely will not care.

And with that thought I wailed and wailed.  You would have thought I just realized I was all alone in the universe-and for a moment I was.  Because I realized that, no matter how badly I might want a connection or an outcome, sometimes sheer desire just isn't enough, and there is absolutely nothing, nada nilch, I can do about it.

When I realized I couldn't switch off the waterworks, I just went with it.  Trying NOT to cry always gives me a huge headache and then I cry anway, so I bawled like a sick calf.  The only way I could get the Great White Shark to notice me would be to feed it a leg-and I'm just not willing to do that.  Even in the midst of my tears I realized that pretty much sums up a lot of human relationships too.

So I am taking my GWS birthday money and buying some training for Casper, who does notice me.  I will get a lot more benefit out of this than 30 minutes in the water with something who doesn't even know I'm there.  I may be growing up even if I do cry over spilt sharks.